Monthly Archives: March 2017

Living in denial

When a crime happens particularly of the sexually offending nature, there is always shock and dismay but later something happens which is worse then all that- DENIAL. Especially when the sexual offence is committed by someone you know. Someone who commands respect, trust, somebody whom you look up to. So you struggle to accept that somebody like that could stoop so low and inflict upon you such trauma.

A sexual offence is a breach of trust, it sends shock waves not just to the victim or survivor but also it damages their family and does irreparable abrasion to the society. Living in denial that something untoward happened and shrugging it off as an one time incident is not a way to live with it and moving on; it is living in denial.

Knowing something gravely wrong has happened or being administered and doing nothing about it and discouraging somebody from making it matter of concern and deliberation; is again living in denial.

Blaming the actions to alcohol or substance abuse or age of the accused or clothing of the abused; is living in denial. Assuming that the police wont support the victim/survivor of sexual abuse; is living in denial. Thinking and getting discouraged that the judicial battle is a long haul and you may not live to see justice; is living in denial.

Funny, isn’t it. How we follow a pattern that over the years and eons has systematically encouraged, supported and perpetrated sexual violence. Only because we are all LIVING IN DENIAL. So how long do you plan to live in denial.

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Even fame cannot protect a woman

Yes, even being famous cannot protect woman from being humiliated and scarred. I’m writing about an established actress in the Malayalam film industry. Incidentally, there is news that there is a gang of such men who have been sexually abusing famous women. They film them in duress while being sexually exploited and then they threaten them and extort money.The actress in news, was the only one who bravely exposed them since she didn’t want to encourage them any further after what they did to her. There have been others who have been manipulated by these people in the past.

Funnily the news channels- print and broadcast have gone berserk over the news of the famous South Indian Actress being abducted and sexually assaulted in broad daylight. Sadly the actress, her picture and all that happened to her is all out in the newspaper. And I don’t think that this will help her or her family find any solace.

It is this disturbing news that brings me to think about the perpetrators, five of them identified. She knew them, since one of them was her driver. Scary isn’t it. Now we cant even trust the drivers, chauffeurs, top servants, delivery boys and I don’t know who else. I wonder, if this incident will also be examined and debated by people in the media like the Nirbhaya tragedy.

Here is a woman who is happy, positive, assertive and successful and this is something some people simply cannot handle. And in this case, they felt that by abusing her and recording it and threatening her with exposing the film would pressurise her to release money so that she wouldn’t want to be publicly shamed.

Even today perpetrators think that women are deterred by fear of law, fear of shaming themselves and their families. But I appreciate the courage of this lady to come out and shaming these criminals instead of falling in the trappings of fear and ostracisation from the society.