Monthly Archives: July 2013

The Nature of Love…

By Celin Thomas

So does the nature of love change? Its a question I’m sure many would ask nowadays. And why would they ask? Many reasons; insecurity, lack of love, unable to love themselves or others, experiencing change in an assumed stable relationship.

Yes, we are humans- full of flaws with a divine right to err.  And we hurt people in the process, battle egos and gnash teeth even in the name of love. Some say its worth it. I ‘d think its better to fight for something that gives you joy than chase something that the world thinks is comfortable.

Anything you want or desire may not always be easy to come by and if it has come easily to you it may slip just as swiftly without your knowledge. Scary but true. The worst thing that affects our judgement is the lack of self-knowledge, which means we aren’t really sure of what we really want. Believe me that can confuse you to such an extent that you would blindly follow any one who you think is more confident than you. If something is going right in their lives doesn’t mean it’ll be the same for you as well.

So what do you do? Gain clarity of what you want in life. Understand self better, imbibe good qualities only then you’ll know what will suit you and what wouldn’t. If you know yourself then others will not dump their lame ass or smart ass opinions on you and mislead you elsewhere.

Be prepared life takes turns and you may not be ready for what is lined up ahead, so don’t be scared…keep on moving. But don’t be adamant about things and think that people are predictable as per your judgement, they’ll change too as you evolve.

As you can be in and out of love so can they. So what will happen then? Make yourself strong and secure, work on self coz that is all you can actually do as that is all that is in your control. You cant really control people and situations but you can certainly control your behavior, your reaction to such things thrown at you.

But I still strongly believe that ‘The Nature of Love doesn’t change, but over a period of time its expression evolves’. And when the expression changes, we think that the person doesn’t love us anymore. We feel something for somebody today and may not feel the same way about them; its nothing to be scared or to be ashamed of. You’re human and you evolve and so do your expressions.

Have you ever noticed babies expressing love and unconditional affection to their parents and that same baby grows into an adult and though the love is still there; its expression has evolved. So the baby who gave warmth through smiles, hugs & kisses now brings you warm food, cars, flats and many more materialistic things that will make your life comfortable- your baby has grown and has found another way to express his/her emotions.

We have to be ready for change all the time. Whether it is in the professional or personal arena of our lives, so that when the winds of change come they do not destroy us but carry us to a renewed purpose in life.

Do you know an insecure leader?

By Celin Thomas

So I have been thinking of lately a lot on what an insecure leader can do? And why, perhaps when you read through the post you’ll figure it out yourself. So before you can know what an insecure leader can do; you first need to identify him and diagnose his impacts to the organisation’s regular functioning. Or else, you’ll pin point just about anybody that you detest simply coz you cant get along with.

An insecure leader is not just your superior, maybe somebody else’ superior, owner of the company, basically anybody you report to.

Lets hope this article doesn’t do me much damage but rather helps you’all…

Identifying and diagnosing an insecure leader

Pride or arrogance, bad temper, impatience, unnecessary sarcasm, back biting, taking your work and giving it to others, subtle torture by ignoring you, not talking to you, picking on you, humiliating you in front of everyone at work or just about anywhere- are few outstanding traits of an insecure leader.

All that you may have confided in him or her will be used against you more on a public platform. They keep taunting you, keep pestering you with jobs that are not part of your profile or KRA/KPI. Try to burden you with work so that you wont have time to complaint or even have a casual conversation with people around you. Eventually the fact that you don’t talk to people around you, will also be used against you- it’ll be shown that you’re not a team player and you don’t engage with other team members.

Damage that an insecure leader could do

  • You may quit your job in a fit of rage
  • You’ll fight within your team as the job profiles are conflicted without even realizing somebody is actually playing you
  • Use your secrets against you (whatever maybe the source of your secrets)
  • Use your adversaries and competition against you
  • Complain about your shortcomings to his superiors
  • Bad mouth about you to prospective employers
  • Create a bad work culture
  • Spread lies and create deceitful teams
  • Basically break the team and the company due to their negativity. Without realizing that they will also lose their leadership and eventually their job with it
  • Create a very malicious work environment, make it hard for anyone to function

How to remain careful?

Never reveal your personal lives in front of anyone at work (I know I did that mistake, cant tell you how much I’m regretting)

Try meditation and yoga- I know you’re perhaps a very secure person but someone can always insinuate you by passing a sarcastic, caustic comment or remark. Yoga will help you stay focused and calm

Try and help everyone in the organisation including the insecure leader. Eventually if people know you’re and have goodwill in the company, its hard to create a bad image about you

Be in good books of his superiors also

Stay clear from those people who are negative and are fueling your existing anger against him. They may not fight but you’ll end up fighting their battles and end up being an unrecognized martyr of a unknown corporate battle

Show your talents to those who need it and are capable of appreciating it (hoo…. I need to master this). Coz if you dont then, the insecure leader knows that your capabilities are his/her shortcomings and will his best to dodge you or side line you. Needless to say that it’ll affect your appraisal. I vividly remember my TL saying, who’ll do your appraisal? Boy there is a subtle hint everywhere and in everything

So why is a person insecure?

  • They lack innovation and creativity
  • They are generally ill-equipped or ill-suited for the job that they have been appointed for
  • They use arrogance to shield their fears and insecurities
  • When it comes to being a leader, they cater to their pride/arrogance rather than the vision of the company
  • They have created a place for themselves by ass licking